Tuesday, November 25, 2014
♣️(Our Regular Meet-Up)♣️
During the earlier part of our relationship, the so called "Honeymoon Period," Everything was so perfect and sweet. Every single little affections and emotions that comes from one person will means the world to the other. We are so in love with each other that we only have the sight for one another. We even vows to make the best out of our relationship and turns it into something beautiful that can last for a long long time. We will always try to find chance and opportunity to meet up with one another.
Most of the times, i will always be the one who will travel all the way to Paya Lebar (Haig Road) just to meet you. I dont mind the long journey actually as long as i can see you and be with you. I will be there almost everyday or maybe alternate days usually on the days you got no school. Normally i will be there at around noon or early evening and will only go back before midnight taking either the last train or the last bus home. Once in a while, then u will travel all the way to lakeside to meet me. And when u are at the west side, we will always go to Chinese Garden to have our lovely date there and spend time with each other. Infact there was even one occasion that you slept at my Boon Lay home. Despite the harsh loving conditions there, you still endure it. Just to be with me.
Back to my time spent at Haig Road, Most of the time, we will always sit down at either your void deck or the playground near your block and we will chat about anything & everything with each other all day long. We will discuss about everydays issues, and we also share each other problem and advise one another. Sometimes when we really got nothing to talk about or share, we will just sit quietly there beside each other without saying a single word.
That moment we both felt We are juz enjoying every seconds of each other company. Sometimes you will bring me to eat the Vietnamese food at nearby your home. At other times, whenever you can, you will Bring me up to your home and sit at the living room so we can watch Andrew Christian Videos together on your laptop. During my daily visit to your estate, there was few times that i stayed overnight there with u in the park. We chatted, laugh, joke around, listen to music and discuss about our future.
Then one particular night, u bring me up to your home as u wanted to check your email as your friend are supposed to send you your assignment which you needed my help in the interview section. But your friend did not send that email and at last we both end up watching You Tube Videos together.
♣️(Consummating our Relationship - Our first sexual encounter )♣️
I still remember u show me various Andrew Christian video Clips and Sebastian Castro Music Videos (I want your bubble) It was very sexy and erotic. And both of us get turned on.. Hehehe. And I can sense that it was kinda hint from you. But i was shy to pry further. And i still remember u asking me if u can see my dick. i was quite shy at first but then after much cute persuation from you, i showed it to u. You even touched it and say that it look nice and beautiful and u love it. Awww.. I was blushing..
Then after that we both went downstair to chat in the park for about 2 hours. Then suddenly In the middle of our chat, we both wanted to pee. So u suggested that we go up to ur home as ur housemate is asleep. After peeing, u told me to lie down first on the bed at the living room for abit of rest while u prepare something. But then instead of resting u approach me seductively with the sexy looks on your face and of course i cant resist it. We had our first french kiss that night and then it lead us to the next level of undressing and caressing one another. We finally consumate our relationship for the first time that night orally. We even swallowed each other cum that night. Even though its not subjected to the level of anal penetration but still what we did is the most nicest feelings. We were both at the peak of total orgasm.
And what We did that night is something that we can forget for the rest of our life. That night is the first time we actually express our needs of desire and lust towards each other. As we both were hunger for each other but too shy to express it out. Hehehe.. But well, thanks for the first move baby.. I shall never forget it.
Having u in my life is the most wonderful feeling that i've ever felt in my whole entire life. To me you are God greatest gift for me. And i believe we came into each other life for a reasons which only angel of love knows what. We were meant for each other baby. And im proud to say that i have decide to make u my forever love. I want to grow old with you, protect you, love you, care for you and be with u till end of times.
I know that no one can ever predict the future and no one knows what the future have in store for us. But i strongly believe that if we both have faith in ourself, alway remain truthful & faithful, being honest with each other, hides no secret from one another, never cheats in the relationship,never lie to each other and never do anything which is against the nature of relationship, we can last forever. Nothing is impossible baby. Everything is possible if we believe and never give up.
I cant promise you that life with me will be easy. There will be ups and downs, cross roads, stumble upon obstacles, But believe me baby that i can assure you that it will definitely be WORTH IT.. The future is there for us to reach. Its all depends on our desire. Are we willing to walk hand in hand and brave the storm to reach our future goals. Im sure we can as long as we are always there for each other.
Labels: 2013, 2014, consummate, gays, Love, oral, pride, relationship, sex, story
my say at 11/25/2014 04:05:00 AM.
♣️(The day we finally meet each other)♣️
"That feeling when you meet someone new and all you can think about are all the adventures you want to share with them"
"
The exciting thing about meeting and getting to know someone for the first time, is that you never know, they could end up being (the one)
"
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
♣️(21/02/13)♣️
This is the most memorable day of my life. This is the day that we are finally going to meet each other. For the past few days since we know each other, we only communicate via FB msg & SMS. But today shall be the day dat i can finally see u in person & get to know u better, Yayyyy!!!
Actually i am feeling quite nervous to meet up with u. I really dont know what to expect, how to behave etc. Because the truth is i dont really meet up with random people that i chatted with or FB or any other social media sites (of course with the exceptions of Gay Dating apps for the sole purpose of NSA fun). To me, what started off on the net shall remain on the cyber world. And most time then not, it will end up on the net too. Infact i hardly meet anyone off the internet unless it is really necessary. But as for u, i feel different. I feel there is something special about you that i need to know and find out. For yoh, i make the exception. Infact i dont even know why i am so eager & looking foward to meet up with u. Maybe its fate.. Cos i believe in fate. Fate that moves me to go ahead and meet up with you. And while we chat on FB, we both scheduled to meet up at Somerset 313 at 5pm later that day. (I will continue about this on the later part)
♣️(Damian'ology is it pure Coincidences or fate?)♣️
Earlier during the day, i was actually having a simple meet up date at Chinese Garden with a guy who actually likes me. That guy asked me to become his BF, but i told him to give me sometime to consider about it. It is not me being choosy, but its just dat i couldnt bring myself to like him or love him. (After that day, i never meet up with him again.) But here comes the most interesting part; Believe it or not & u can call it as coincidence;That guy that i met earlier was actually 'Damian's Ex BF.' (The same guy that u met at Absolute, had sex with and fall into his love trap).
To make sure that we are talking about the same person, i asked him specifically if his BF are called (Damian The Waffleboy aka Damian Cheong)? And he says yes it is. He even showed me Damian's Facebook as well as his pictures. And indeed we are talking about the same Damian as you've told me before. He & Damian has been together for more than 9 month & they juz broke up a few days ago. He told me that the reason for their break up is because 'Damian has been cheating alot on him by flirting around & sleeping with alot of other guys very very frequently.'
Upon hearing his story, it juz reminds me of you & wat u've told me before about Damian. it is indeed true dat Damian was juz fooling around with u. And considering the fact dat they juz broke up few days ago, it means dat wen Damian had sex with u at absolute & had sex with u again thereafter, he is actually attached & are in a RS with the guy. He even lied to u about being single & at same time he is actually betraying his own BF by having fun with u. The fact dat he was already attached & still fucking around while claiming to be single juz proven him to be a jerk & a total asshole. "If he can do that to his own BF, he can do it to anyone." And it clearly shows dat he is juz making use of u to satisfy his sexual needs. He actually didnt mean it wen he makes all those promises to u abt wanting to be in a RS with u. He is juz sweet talking you to make u believe in him so that he can make use of ur vulnerability. And after knowing the truth about Damian, it juz make me believe dat he is making use of u & are exploiting u sexually because he knows your weakness. And u have already fallen for his trap as u believe in him. So with dat, he make use of u as & wen he feel like it.
♣️(Our First Meet Up)♣️
Actually that day when i arrived, i did saw that u are standing alone staring into space in deep thoughts. U were standing by the railing waiting for me. I took a quick glance at u as i passed by but u did not notice. I felt shy to approach u immediately so i decide to go to the gents to pee, wash my face and cool myself down as i was very very nervous. Then after i cooled down, i pluck up my courage and go over to approach u. I say hi to u & u replied me with the sweetest smile i've ever seen. I can never forget that smile. It was angellic. With the most beautiful dimple on ur cheek. I felt like melting at that moment. But i controlled myself. U were quite shy at that time. And i like that..
♣️(Asking you to be mine)♣️
Then suddenly i asked if u would want to be my BF. I can saw that at that time u are reluctant to say yes. So u told me that u need time to think it over. I was quite dissapointed then, but i understand that its not easy to trust another person after what you've been through. To be frank, At that time, the sole purpose of me asking u to me my BF is to protect you, to look after you and to care for you. I feel deepest sympathy on your plights and I dont want you to be hurt ever again. I dont want you to meet another evil person who will tends to hurt u again as i felt that u are vulnerable at that time.
Then after your dinner, u told me that u want to go home. I told u that i will want to send u back home. But u told me no need as u dont want to trouble me. But i insist to send you home as i felt responsible for ur safety. So finally you relented. We both took the train to Paya Lebar MRT & walk all the way to your housing apartment. While walking, we chatted and joked with each other. Upon reaching your housing estate, we decided to take a breather at Basket Ball Court beside your block.
(The answer - YES)
There we sit down and chat in the dark. That is when u finally say to me that you have something to say to me. Then you give me your answer to my question that i asked earlier about being my bf. I was very nervous. Im a type of person who are scared of rejection. And then suddenly you said yes, you agree to be my BF and would want to be in a relationship with me. I was speechless for a few moment. I felt very very happy. I was dumbfounded and I couldnt believe it. Then u smiled at me & again u say yes u agree to be my BF.
That night We chatted alot. We talked about our expectations, what our likes & dislikes, do's & dont, hobby, dreams etc. As time pass, i realize that it was getting quite late & i need to catch the last train home so i decide to go back. I send you to your lift lobby, I bid u good bye and kiss ur forehead and walked away. Then as i look back, i saw there u were still standing looking as i walk. I was so touched.
The next few days i visit you at your housing estate almost everyday to meet you until late in the night. Though it was quite far Travelling from the west to the east, But im willing to do that as long as i can see you. During my frequent visit, We will go for dinner together, and at times you even treat me to a Vietnamese Cuisine. We will usually sit and chat in the park near your home,we also take a walk hand in hand & chat. We talk about almost everything. It was so romantic. And i also remember piggy back carry you from the carpark few blocks away until to your lift lobby. It was very fun & memorable. Very sweet and cute and it is the most wonderful feelings i've ever felt.
Initially the reason i want to be your BF is because i thought that i just want to protect u. But least did i realize that Cupid Angel Of Love strikes me in the heart. I realize i've actually fallen in love with you. I can sense that you are a wonderful boy. Despite your vainess and child like attitude, i also realize that u are honest, sincere and you are also capable of being a good partner to me. Yes no doubt i did promised to myself that i will never fall in love ever again. As the pain of my last relationship is still hurting me. But i just cant help it. I have fallen too deeply in love with you. So i decided to give myself a chance to love and to be loved. And then i told myself that this is the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with.
After our heart to heart conversation, it was getting late. I have to catch the last train home. So i send you to your lift landing, bid you goodbye, kiss your forehead and walk away. As i walk few steps away, i turn around and there i saw you looking right back at me. We smiled to each other and i continue walking to the mrt to go home. That night we had a long chat on the phone. We discuss about everything and expressing our heartfelt. After talking with you, i went to sleep. That night i had the most peaceful sleep i ever had for a long time. Since that moment on, we both became inseperable
❤️We both agreed to back date our anniversary to the time we first became close. Which is on the 19th February 2014. And that is the date that we both agreed on to officially make it into our anniversary❤️
Labels: 2013, 2014, donaldduck, doraemon, eatpraylove, first met, gays, haig road, Love, patience, paya lebar, perserverance, pride, relationship, ryan, setback, somerset313, story, true story, zayn
my say at 11/25/2014 03:52:00 AM.
♣️(How we get to know each other)♣️
"We know each other by chance, we met each other by choice, we fall in love with each other by fate. And Now we are together, nothing can take u away from me"
"Before i know u, i told and promise myself dat i will never fall in love again. Because in my entire life i've always been hurt in love. Till i give up totally in pursuing any relationship. But after meeting & knowing you, i start to believe in love again. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see you, i see hope.."
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
(Facebook is where we first started - Add Friend / Chat
♣️(18/02/2013)♣️
One day, as i scroll through my Facebook newsfeed, i came across a posting of a vietnamese friend (Who also happens to be your friend too) and he is now in singapore for a vacation. He posted a picture of himself at Marina Bay Sands Promanade. Then i go to the comments section and there i saw your comment on his posting. I dont know what prompt me, but i decide to click on you profile to check you out. (And im glad i do that)
I browse through your FB walls and your picture album and realize that you too are in singapore. I dont really know for what purpose yoh are here for but it seems you have been in singapore for a few month at least. Then i see through all you pictures in your album. I was kinda attracted to you because you have a very cute adorable boyish looks. Your smile are sweet especially with the deep dimple on your cheek. You have this "Cat Like" cuteness charms in you. And you look very very young. I presume you must be in your late teens maybe 18 or 19 or maybe even younger. And the funny thing is that I dont even know if you are a gay person too or not. But that aside, i just feel that i must know you as a person first. The rest will comes later. My interest in you grows instantly that i click the 'Add Friend' button. I dont really expect you to accept my friend request actually. I just do it to try my luck with hopes you will accept my friend request.
♣️(19/02/2013 - 20/02/2013)♣️
To my greatest delight, within few minutes of adding u, u accepted my friend request and u even start to message me on FB immediately after. I felt so happy then.To be honest, i dont know why, but i really felt very happy to recieve ur FB msg at that time. I was smiling while reading ur msg. In it u say; "hi and thanks me for adding u up" and i say the pleasure is mine actually. Then we both give a basic introduction of ourself to each other, u told me that you are 20 years going 21 years old in December 2013 and your birthday is on (22 December 1992) after awhile, i decide to pluck up my courage and ask you the 'Question'. "I ask if you are gay as i am a gay person myself" and i feel these things need to be knows before we actually move further into our conversation. And then you answer me that you are Gay too. Then "i asked if you are attached or not as i dont want to become a cause of trouble chatting with someone else boyfriend." And you told me that you are single. I dont know why, but i felt happy hearing all your answer. I was jumping with joy deep inside (I feel that well there is a chance for me if i ever wanna date you.)
We chatted for quite awhile and you told me that you are here in Singapore because you are pursuing your "Advance Diploma" in (Hospitality & Tourism Management) at a Local Private College (Raffles College Of Higher Education). You just came to singapore on July 2012. And you plan to further your studies to Bachelor Degree after you completed your advance diploma. You say that life in Vietnam is very hard. It is even harder to get a stable job. The goverment is corrupted and not making any progress towards modernity And furthermore the street are not safe as there are crimes everywhere. On the other hand in Singapore, it is a modern, clean and safe city to live in. Transportation is very convenient (you can go anywhere in singapore by tthe MRT train), the crime rates here are also very low. And you can definitely see a better prospect here in singapore then in your hometown. You told me that if u graduate, you hope to be able to get a stable job here and continue living here. I encouraged you to study harder and achieve you dream. I also advise you that in order to get a job i Singapore, you must improve you english as almost everyone in singapore is english speaking. You told me that you want to improve your english and ask me to help by chatting more with you and correct you if u ever had any grammar or pronounciation mistakes. Of course i agree. Its juz another chance for me to chat more with you.
Then you told me that u feel very comfortable chatting with me. And then you told me that you needed some advise as you have been troubled by a particular issue lately. You asked me if i know anyone by the name of 'Damian' or better known in FB as 'Damian The Waffleboy'? I told you that the LGBT circle in singapore is very small. There is sure to be a connection among gays people be it through direct or mutual friends and cliques. Then i check through my FB friendlist and realize that yeah he is indeed in my FB friendlist. Not that i know him personally but i did saw him quite often at Clubs and bars that i frequented and we did not actually talk to each other. It is just a hi / bye kind of thing.
(Then you told me the full story of what has been troubling you);
Sometime in 'Late January 2013 to Early February 2013' you and you friend from cambodia went to a Local Gay Sauna called 'ABSOLUTE' - (pls read Absolute Gay Sauna) located at pagoda street in chinatown (Well ive been there a few times actually). It was you first time patronizing a gay sauna and you went there with one of your gay friend from Cambodia that you get to know online recently. Your purpose going there is to experience it first hand what a gay sauna is like and of course to find some random 'Hook Up'. Then as you were walking & cruising almost naked at the dark maze (with just a mini towel on your waist barely covering anything) your cambodia friends was approach by Damian. He asked your friend if he can have sex with you. As he was to shy to approach himself. Then your friend convey the message to you, and you immediately agrees. You, your friend and Damian went into one of the cabins and it is where Damian start to touch u, make u suck his dick and finally anal penetrating you all along while your cambodian friend is there watching everything while jerking off. (you told me that it was your first time ever had anyone penetrate your anal - So called virgin. How lucky is dat damn damian. And how unlucky of you to lost your purity at such a place to such a jerk.)
After the 'Hook Up' session with Damian at Absolut, you guys exchange number to keep in touch beyond. Within next few days you and him corresponded regularly via FB and sms. And then Damian says he like you and wanting to be your BF. He gave u loads of empty promises that tempt you. Being alone in Singapore, of course you agreed. Then few days later Damian text you and ask to meet up. You guys check in a budget hotel in geylang. There you guys had sex. The next day after checked out, u and damian parted ways and you went home. Then You texted him but he did not response. You tried Calling him but he did not answer. Damian literally went MIA.. He just dissapear with no wats you can get in touch with him. You feeling down, did not give up. U even went to Woodland just to meet him. Then after that few days later, damian resurface again. He texted you and asked for a meet up. Again you guys check in at a budget hotel and had sex. The next day damian left you at Bugis to meet his friends. And this time again he dissapear. Text and calls went unanswered. You were devastated. U feel that damian is using you only for sex and will only find you when he needed sex. Few days later you know me. And the rest is history. I advise you to forget about him and u listened and deleted him off your contact.
After that we both continue to chat with each other for few days straight. We will Wish each other good morning, good night and send some sweet greetings to each other.. Awww so sweet.While chatting, out of sudden, u popped up the question asking me if i wanna meet up with you. So i immediately answer "why not". At that time I may sound abit spotaneous but deep inside I was feeling over the moon and happy and even jumping with joy. But at the same time im also feeling nervous and scared too. Im Nervous because i've never do any random meet up with any stranger before, and i also felt scared because im afraid u couldnt accept my bad boy looks with my coloured hairs, heavily tattooed body and lots of piercing etc. But still i told myself that its just a meet up. So no harm. So we decided to set the date to meet up on 21 Feb 2013 at (Somerset 313) at 8.00pm
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
INFORMATION;
(Absolute Gay Sauna)
'ABSOLUTE' - Located at Pagoda Street i Chinatown Is a mens sauna exclusively only for men (Particularly gay men). Entry is strictly by Membership only. And to be able to get a membership, we can simply walk in, pay a small amount of $18 for a 1 year membership and we will recieve full access to the facilities. For first timers, we might need to pay an additional $10 for 1 time entry (depending on the theme of the night) normally they will have a daily theme for the sauna. And price will depends on what time you enter, or what theme is on for the particular day. Most of the time, those who are under 25 yrs old (Called as cadets) gets free entry. It is for the purpose to make them come to the sauna And with their 'Cadets' presence in the sauna, it will definitely encourage more older mens who are better spender and seeking young fresh meat to satisfy their lust on. Some of the example of themes are as follows;
🔹 Trunk Night (Wearing Swimming Trunk get free entry)
🔹 Office Attire Night (Those in Office formal dressing gets complimentary drinks)
🔹 Army boys Night (NSF gets free entry)
🔹 Cadets Night (Those under 25 yrs old gets free entry) etc etc.
🔹 Foam Party (Nothing on all floor = NAKED)
🔹And many more theme in accordance to any festive season of the month
In general public eyes 'Absolute' is just a sauna or bath house for mens. where mens go for bubble bath, steam room, relax. But in the actual fact, discreetly from the outside, it is where Gay Mens will cruise around looking for 'Hook Up' fun and Sex. Actually truth be known, there is not much of a sauna facilities in there to really defines 'Sauna' the basic facilities in there includes, fresh towels, changing room & lockers, open concept hot showers, Steam Room (Hardly used by anyone), internet corner with 2 computer, Dark Maze (A Maze with no lighting or minimal lighting where there will be alot of naked mens standing by waiting to fondle, caress and be grope u suspecting passerby) & many cabins room (with low brown PVC covered mattress on the floor and unlimited supplies of Lubricant, Condoms & Toilet paper) and a rooftop bar where refreshment are served. All i all, it is a place where Gay mens will undress, get naked, shower and start cruising the dark maze for a "Fresh Meat". Then when a person saw someone that he is interested in, he will approach the person and start touching, groping and fondling, if the other party resist means he is not interested. Then he will move on to the next guy. But if the party responded by touching back or even not reacting or not resisting, it symbolize approval. Then the person will start to do all sort of sexual arousal contact with the person. And when both reached a certain 'High', they will then proceed on into one of the many cabins. In there is where sexual penetration will happens. Sometimes there are even 3somes, 4some or orgies activity going on. At times even in the open. Most times as you passed by the cabins, you can hear loud orgasm moans and groans of people having sex. Normally what happens there in the sauna, ends there. After any sexual contact is done, both will then part ways. Some will shower and go back, while others will stay on and look for the next person to have fun with.
With the blooming of the Gay Sauna everywhere, slowly one by one new sauna open. And it just promote the same thing which is Free Sexual Cruising for all gay person. Those responsible enough will do it the safe way. But some will not. It is not a crime to have fun once awhile. But if done regularly, it can become a dangerous habits. And most time it will tends to destroy relationships and the sacredness of sex. It just promote the ideas that it is ok to have consensual random sex with stranger. Whatsoever, it is just an experience. One who is wise enough will avoid these places at all cost. As i mentioned, it is ok to have fun and experience. But it shouldnt be an ongoing mindset.
Now slowly one by one the Gay Sauna start to close down. and it is a good news indeed. So we can now finally cut down on having random sex with stranger at same time lower our risk of contracting Sexually Transmitted Disease & HIV.
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
Labels: 2013, 2014, absolute, bisexual, gays, hookup, lesbian, Love, loyalty, maze, NSA, pride, relationship, sauna, story, transexual, trust
my say at 11/25/2014 02:43:00 AM.
❤️(Heart to Heart Conversation) ❤️
♣️(25 Nov 2014 1.20am to 2.09am)♣️
Today me and my baby zayn had a heart to heart talk in the living room. It started off with me sharing with him about my childhood, my teenage life, my growing up phase, my family who dont care, my lack of father figures, my loneliness and how alone i am. Everything just simply came out of my mouth.
I am not trying to gain his sympathy. I just want to express myself so that he can know how much he really meant to me and how greatful i am with his presence. We talk about alot of things. About my job hopping habits, me being unemployed! Me having no savings etc etc. he reminds me that i am getting older amd i should really start to focus on my future from now onwards. He also advise me about my work issues. He told me to work hard and achive what ive lost. At the same time i also thanks him for all his patience in me, for all his motivations and also His strong endurance about still being with me despite the numerous up's and down's that we have faced.
I also apologize to him for all the past hurting i have caused, for all the promises i have yet to achieve. I also sincerely apologize for what has been happening to us lately. He listened intently to every word i says. All in all, my purpose is to try let him have a good understanding about how i felt. Then i also told him that fromnow onwards we need to both work out on our relationship to make it better. No doubt we both have faced alot of setback and hurts. But i firmly told him that those setback shouldnt be a reason for any of us to give up. But instead we both should remain stronger and love each other even more. We should for once focus just on ourself and try to stop all tose things that may cause any distractions to our relationship, i told him to actually try for once just remain truthful, loyal, faithful and honest at least for thos once so we can see what the end result will be. My point is just to let him know that if we are faithful, loyal and honest to one another, better life awaits us. No doubt no body is perfect. Everyone males mistakes. But i told him, what is passed is passed. We should move foward toward achieving all the love that once was so strong but now became lifeless. I told him to show in an effort that he too was actively trying to make things right this time.
Sometime we need to have the mutual understanding with each other. I told him about how trust need to be earned. I asked him to give me sometime to trust again. As all those past incidence has affected me so much that kead me to become like this. I do admit that my over posessiveness, jealousy, controlling is overwhelming. But i want him to realize that if nothing ignote it, those things wont happens. And now all he need to do is to prove himself trustworthy, honest and faithful and i assure him that trust will definitely return. Amd when there is trust, definitely things will become more easier and simpler. I told him specifically that in order to gain trust, one must show the loyalty. Truthfulness and honesty. Then it was his turn to speak.
He start to repeat all those things about leaving, about me shouldnt hang on to someone who doesnt loves me anymore, about me setting him free to do whatever he wants even if it involve cheating amd betrayal. The kept emphasize that the reasons he cheat is because he dont love me anymore and he is young so he feels it is unfair for him to commit deeply into a relationship. I got agitated slightly. This is not what its was supposed to be. This conversation is supposed to be about us trying to figure out how to save this relationship and make it work. Not to blabber about all those negative things. Then in the end, the conversation went back about how he wanted to be free. How much he wanted to leave and enjoy his freedom. Why he cheated on me is because he want out.
Ultimately all he ever think about all these while is leaving me. And that really hurt me. I asked him to stop talking about this as im not ready to talk about that topic. The purpose of this discussion is to make things right once and for all. We need to keep the negative things aside. But he kept bombarding me with my mistakes, my flaws etc etc. i wouldnt want the conversation to become quarell so i told him to stop talking about negative things.
Ultimately to me, separation is not an options and will never be an options. I have gone too far into this relationship to give it up. I try to stop him from continuing about the topic, am not tryong to be rude or dun want to listen to him. But i dont want to hear those subject at least for now. I dont wanna hear anything about leaving or breaking up. I want to hear him give a suggestions about how to save this relationship. Not to try to pursuade me to give him up.. NEVER.. He gets angry when i cut short his conversation. He says im being unfair of not wanting to listening to him. I tol him that is not the case. Its just that his topic is far away fro the purpose of our conversation. He insist on talking about the issues. But i rebutt and he gets very angry till it almost became an arguement.
Then he start to blabber about everything bad that i have done. About how those past 2 years has not changed anything. All im ever hearing from his mouth is all the bad things that i have done. Nothing about my good deeds. He did at one time says there are some good point about me. But he did not mention specifically. He even says he hated me alot and At the same time he also loves me very much. He hates the way I overthink, over control, over posessive amd he especially hate me anger. But at same time he says he loves me because when im good, i really treat him well. But that is not enough for him. He keep telling me about how i always become the cause of every arguement, About how i always blow up small issues, about how bad i treat him when im angry.
Yes! I wont deny that when im angry, my behaviour gets ugly, but little did he realize that his anger amd behaviour is much more uglier. But i dont dare to say it out. Because i know that there is no point in arguing and debating with him. As it might turn very ugly when we both gets angry. So Instead of stopping, he gets more angry and start to scold me. He say im not giving him chance to talk and i always cut short his discussion. I tried to explain to him that his topic is based on negativity and it wont help. But he refused to accept my explanation. All i ever meant is to avoid any awkwardness, arguements and quarells. But he just refused to listen. Instead with an angry looks, he walk away and go inside the room leaving me alone at the living room.
He says if i dont want to listen to him, he too wont listen to me again. And i shouldnt blame him or ask him why should anything goes wrong. Well this is his traits. Emotional black mailing and threatening. He will always promise one thing about not cheating or not chatting etc, Then when he was caught red handed doing all those, he will start to flare up and says all his promises are forced and he dont mean it. He will also find ways and means to push the blame on me. He will say he can do anything he wants and i have no rights to stop him. Well logically yes, i have no rights to, but considering how long we together, how much ive sacrifies, invested and put into this relationship, the least i deserve is respect. I deserve every right to stop his actions if it is hurting me.
But as stubborn as he is, i have to find another way to stop him from hurting himself as well as me. I wouldn't let all my effort all these while go to waste. I dont deserve to be treated this way. I will never let any guy get him that easily when i have to work so hard just to keep him by my side. Call it force or anything u want to. Everything i do is to the best interest of this relationship.
Whatsoever, i will never give up on him, i will never waste this relationship, I will never let him go. I will never let him hurt himself or let anyone to hurt him. I will be with him for as long as i can to protect him and stop him from doing anything which is against our vows. As during the initial period of our relationship, we both made a vows to be faithful, loyal, honest and to love each other forever. And that is the promise that i am keeping up till now. And at same time, i also vows to protect him from every negativity out there. So this is what i am doing exactly. I will do everything to make sure if I don't get him, no one can. And i will kake sure that he is mine and will always be mine. Even if it may cost me my life. Till death do us part,
Now he is asleep beside me. Time is 4.55am and here i am writing this blog. Now its time for me to try to take a nap as i need to wake up early for "Work".
Good night everyone..
Labels: 2013, 2014, betrayal, cheating, conversation, emotional, expressing, faith, forgiveness, Heart, honesty, infidelity, Love, relationship, trust
my say at 11/25/2014 02:29:00 AM.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Whether you’re single and ready to mingle, dating, dating and looking, in a full-out relationship, or hitched, I sometimes think we expect a lot from the person we want or the person we’re with. And that’s good, having high standards is great! But while we’re out there trying to see if imperfect people are trying to be as great as possible, let’s also take a long hard look at ourselves and make sure we’re living up to the high standards we set.
1. Kindness
Kindness is one of the sexiest qualities a human being can possess. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes it’s subtle. But kindness is something that you and I both know when we see it, and love when we experience it. A partner we describe as “kind,” is a gem because we know that fundamentally, they have a good heart. But what about you? Are you kind? And how do you show this? Not just to your partner but to those around you. The truth is it can be difficult to be kind when we get caught up in the mundanities of life. But if kindness is a way of being, then it becomes a joy even when it may be a mild inconvenience at times. Try to be kind every day – to yourself and to others. And you’ll probably find yourself drawn to kind people too.
2. Generosity
When we think of generosity, we often think of tangible things, and of course it’s important to give freely of the things that we have. For many reasons including growing up in a big family, I’ve never quite understood attachment to the point of selfishness when it comes to material things. But giving “things” is not the only way we are generous. We are attracted to people who give us their time, who give us a part of who they are in the form of showing us that person. And I think it’s very important for us to think of ways we can be more generous to those we love, especially with the intangible but important things we can give.
3. Informed/Intelligent/Educated
“Know something about something,” is a piece of advice one of my mentors likes to give everyone. Look, you do not need to be a rocket scientist but a general informed idea of what is going on in your city, in your country, and in the world is probably a good idea. Moreover, you know what’s really intriguing? People who are interesting and can teach you interesting things about the world. So why not be that person? Why not be that person who endeavors to know about more than their job, their industry, their life. Be the person who people love to have conversations with. Be a curious person.
4. Good communication
We never seem to get tired of talking about the importance of communication. But no matter how much we talk about, we seem to all fall short of it while hoping that the person we’re with or want, is a good communicator. What does it mean to be a good communicator? Well, I guess it depends on what you want. But if you want someone who is straightforward, who talks to you with respect, who considers your feelings, ensure that you are doing the same thing. I have found most of us tend to be a bit careless with the way we talk to those we love us the most. And yet with strangers, at the very least, we are cordial. It’s morose. If you don’t like being yelled at, don’t yell; if you don’t want someone to talk to you in anger, do the same. It all boils down to that, really.
5. Financial responsibility
The reality is we all have to deal with the practicalities of love and relationships – no matter where we are in the process. As much as it is painted as solely a quality women care about in men – financial security, that is. Men are caring more about it too – as they should. Regardless of whatever the situation a couple may find themselves in – one more well-off than the other, one planning on staying at home or whatever. It is important to get a grip on your finances. And yes, it may take a while. Wanting to be with someone financially responsible means you have to be financially responsible too.
6. Taking care of yourself
Health can be a really touchy subject. Especially because when it comes to compatibility, we tend to gravitate towards particular people. Indeed, the media feeds into our desires of what and who we find attractive as we so often correlate beauty with health. We all want someone we are attracted to – but attraction is not a one size fits all endeavor. Aside from that, most of us want someone who pays attention to their health and how they present themselves. It’s almost naive to think that you can want someone who looks and feels great in their skin, without you doing the same.
7. Thoughtfulness
Thoughtfulness deserves it’s own criteria because it is uniquely separate from being kind or generous, although ideally it should lead to both. If you’ve ever been romantically involved with someone who is thoughtful, you’ll know what it’s like when someone immediately notices little things like what your favorite dessert is, the facial expressions you’ll make in certain situations, and the little things that make you tick. Even though we all want it in other people, thoughtfulness is actually quite rare because of the tendency to think of only ourselves in relation to the world. But be that person – be that person who thinks of others and notices the little things, and maybe it’ll rub off on those around you.
8. A great sense of humor
Everybody thinks they have a great sense of humor, or that their kind of humor is the best. And indeed one of the ways in which we become attracted to people is having a shared sense of humor. But beyond that, I think, we need to realize that a great sense of humor also has a lot with the ability to laugh at one’s self. It’s endearing to see another person laugh at themselves. It encourages us to laugh with them. And it shows that they can take it as much as they can dish it out. Make sure you’re that person too – the person who laughs a lot and can laugh heartily at themselves.
9. Adventure
It doesn’t always feel that way but life is supposed to be an adventure. We forget that we’re supposed to be having fun and looking for new things to spark our interest. Not just trying to get through each and every day. I think that’s why people who are adventurous tend to spark our interest immediately. It’s almost like being around them will guarantee that they’ll take us on adventures with them. So get out of your comfort zone and make your life an adventure, and let people be drawn to you in that way. Let the person you want or the person you with, know that when they’re with you, life is an adventure.
10. Sacrifice
This is the ultimate from someone we love. My fundamental view of love that I grew up with, is that it is above all, love is a sacrifice. And indeed we want someone who will sacrifice with us and for us. That’s not easy to ask from anyone but it’s how you know that someone really loves you. And it’s how you know that you love someone too – that you’re willing to sacrifice for them. Sacrifice isn’t easy, it’s not convenient, and it often means suffering in some shape or form. What am I saying here? If you want a ride or die, you’re going to have to be a ride or die.
Labels: advise, generousity, kindness, relationship, sacrifies
my say at 11/17/2014 11:51:00 PM.
